I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
