We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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