My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
