just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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