Ambien. No doubt about it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
