I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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