i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
