you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize