'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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