11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
