Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
