There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
