I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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