'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We don't watch enough power rangers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
