the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no you cant smoke seaweed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
