i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
