She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
