She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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