im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
