He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
