Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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