I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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