if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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