i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
