...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
