his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
