not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
