I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize