I have demons in me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
