OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Floor bacon is actually really good
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I see more hoeing in ur future
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