I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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