my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
