no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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