so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
