Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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