We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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