I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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