even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
