I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
