i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
