honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
