don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
