is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
