Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
