i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im six kinds of drunk right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
