She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
