Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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