What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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