I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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