I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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