Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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