She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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