I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
