someone threw a dead crab at me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
