i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
