Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
