Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
