who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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