are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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