I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
