obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
