weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i think i just lost a toe
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
