Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i drank out of a bidet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
