oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize