try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
