I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
