Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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