Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
