i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
