he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
