Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
