never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
