i was born a porn star she said
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
