If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize