I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
