Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize