the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
