AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
