Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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