remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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