she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
