new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize