i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
