I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
