I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
