i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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