Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mom said you looked used
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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