She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
