After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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