dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
