Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You dont lie about slip and slides
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize