All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
