In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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