You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize