I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
