I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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