the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
