Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
