oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
